nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
