I showed him my bush... on skype.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
