My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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