I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
