So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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