I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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