anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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