in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
