Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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