note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
