1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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