Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
