Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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