Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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