I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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