It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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