So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
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I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
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Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
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