Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
