Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
