nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
