You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
