three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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