Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
