They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
