this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
