I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
