Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Please don't give away my fajitas
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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