Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
