I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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