dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize