What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
