What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
