five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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