TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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