He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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