i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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