Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
