you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
