dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
