I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
