you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
