I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
