I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
