operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
