Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
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The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
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So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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