a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
