We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
