i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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