He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Your penis caused this!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
