He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You are a genius and a whore.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
