i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
That accounts for only three of the penises
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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