Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
