i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
