I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
