Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think I am morally bankrupt
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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