I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
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He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
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The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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