guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
