i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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