Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?