Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
