it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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