I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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