he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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