I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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