My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
