I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
two words...techno handjob
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He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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