remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
