Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
