i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
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The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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