Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Bring me that man meat
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
