and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
