Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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