I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
