We won't sleep together?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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