nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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