Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
